The Vocabulary of Violence

Our everyday speech is replete with metaphor, a linguistic convention that enlivens our communications and makes them relatable. But some metaphors send unconscious messages beyond what we really intend to communicate. And some are even violent and insidiously destructive. 

We "shoot from the hip." We use "bullet points" in our writing. We are sometimes "dressed to kill." We "shoot off at the mouth" "on the front lines" while someone drops a "bombshell" and we "take a stab" at fixing it. Eventually, someone is responsible or "heads will roll." It's only through "boots on the ground" with people who are "straight shooters" "who are quick on the draw" that we can get ourselves "out of the cross hairs." It's time to come out with "guns a-blazing" and to "have each other's backs."

I don't know how such speech affects us. It's easy to dismiss metaphors as harmless words that are simply embedded in the way we communicate. 

But our children listen to what we say--and how we say it--and it teaches them. If violence is normalized in daily speech, might they be learning that it is a simple, harmless fact of life? That the way we get ahead and achieve success is through might, militarism, and brash pronouncements of conquest?

As politicians continue to debate how to keep us all safe, maybe we can do our small part by measuring our words, finding gentler metaphors to enliven our communications. However subtle the change might be, maybe our children will learn that it's possible to live in a world where words can create and not destroy.

Much has been written on this subject, and I encourage you to check out the classic book Metaphors We Live By and an article in the New York Times about the power of belligerent speech to incite violence.

The Politicization of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

I wince when people say that diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) is "PC." Such a perspective reduces DEI to an issue we HAVE to discuss because not doing so would create displeasure among people we do not want to offend. It implies that there is a political agenda behind the promotion of DEI.

Large-scale efforts to understand and support DEI often fall short of their goals. Corporate diversity "trainings" often only scratch the surface and leave many participants feeling half-empty and resentful that time has been stolen from productivity. The focus on learning "sensitivity" has been widely lampooned--I recall an episode of "The Office" in which the manager takes it upon his ignorant self to train people in diversity, to predictably disastrous (and, I must admit, hilarious) results. It's so misguided that it's funny.

It's not that I don't respect the heart behind such approaches, it's just that they're not authentic. They do not resonate because they are artificial, forced, and feel imposed from the top down. Such approaches inadvertently create the feeling that DEI is about politics. About being "PC." About walking on eggshells around people so as not to offend.

The active support of diversity is not a political issue; it is a human issue. Put simply, diversity creates strength in any community. In his book Diversity and Complexity, Scott E. Page writes, "In complex adaptive systems, such as an economy or a tropical ecosystem, diversity makes fundamental contributions to system performance." To translate from Princeton-ese, diversity is critical to making any complex system--a corporation, a school or a society--strong and enduring. Human diversity is no different. The Co-Intelligence Institute has this to say about human diversity: "To the extent that people's differences ARE recognized and truly heard or seen, they become contributions to the co-evolution of new insights, solutions, activities, experiences, possibilities and relationships that enrich a group or community and move it ahead to a fuller realization of the best that it could be."

In our journey towards a more equitable and inclusive word, we should also reject the word "tolerance." Tolerance implies that if we can just deal with each other, things will be fine. That's not enough. Our children need to know that understanding, embracing, supporting, and promoting DEI makes all of us stronger. And that strength profoundly impacts their interaction with and enrichment of any system, be it the cross country team or a Fortune 500 company. And who among us, regardless of our political beliefs, does not want that for our children?

Look Where You Want to Go, Not Where You Don't

A few years ago while vacationing at the beach, something possessed me to take a surfing lesson. Not exactly athletic, I struggled to even get on the board. After multiple attempts, I finally learned to stand and even caught a couple of waves. But the rides never lasted for more than a few seconds, and each ended the same way: I always crashed into another surfer. 

"Why does this keep happening?" I asked my instructor with exasperation. His reply has resonated with me ever since: "Dude, stop looking at those other surfers. Look where you WANT to go and not where you DON'T." He explained that surfers will inevitably go in the direction they are looking, even if they are trying to do otherwise.

Some months later, I was observing an after school bicycle program for young kids and witnessed something extraordinary. The instructor was teaching kids to ride their bikes on a long two-by-four beam--that's right, two-by-four. If they couldn’t keep their bike wheels within a four-inch range, they fell two inches to the ground.

The kids who had the most trouble looked worriedly at the ground in an attempt to keep from falling. They fell off every time. "Keep your heads up and look where you want to go!" admonished the instructor. Sure enough, most every child who heeded his advice rode the length of the beam without faltering.

I can’t help but wondering if this wisdom applies beyond surfing and cycling. By focusing on our fears, are we manifesting what we are trying to avoid? Maybe if we keep our heads up with eyes focused on the finish, we won’t let surf or earth get in the way of what we really want to achieve.